Muslim Jokes

Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 25.

3 to puzzle over the technology of a light bulb while wiggling their bottoms in the air 5 times a day, 3 to think more about it while wiggling their bottoms in the air 5 times a day, 3 to think really, really hard about how a light bulb works while wiggling their bottoms in the air 5 times a day, then 3 Muslims to decide that light bulbs are an evil infidel technology, four Muslims to destroy the light bulb, 2 to kill the people who sold the light bulb, 3 to kill everyone at the light bulb factory and three Muslims to blow themselves up when the ambulances come to tend the wounded. Finally, the 25th Muslim has to jump up and down screaming about how Islam is a religion of peace and tolerance.
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Q: What’s the definition of a virgin in England?
A: Any female under the age of eighteen.
Q: What’s the definition of a virgin in France?
A: Any female under the age of sixteen.
Q: What’s the definition of a virgin in Islam?
A1: Any female under the age of nine.
or
A2: Any goat that can run faster than an Muslfim.
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A Muslim walked into his mosque with camel-dung in his hands and complained to the Imam, “Look what I almost stepped in!”
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A Muslim walked into a coffee-shop with a duck under his arm. The clerk saw this and said, “Hey, what are you doing coming in here with a pig?” The Muslim answered, “This is not a pig; it’s a duck.” The clerk answered back: “I was talking to the duck!”
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A man walks into a bar and shouts “All Muslims are shitheads.”
A man confronts him and says not to say that again because it’s an insult to him.
The first man asks “Are you a Muslim”
“No”, answers the second man, “I am a shithead.”
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Some Muslims in London are moaning that there are not enough Muslims on the telly.
The BBC agreed and will now be showing CrimeWatch 3 times a week.
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An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond. The Amish man shouts: “Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen,” which means: “Don’t drink the water; the cows have crapped in it.”

The man shouts back: “I’m a Muslim, I don’t understand. Please speak in English.”
The Amish man says: “Use two hands, you’ll get more.”
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 4 people in the carriage of a train – a Jew, a pretty young blond, an ugly old woman and a Muslim.
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there’s the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Muslim is rubbing his face, and there’s a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks “I bet that Muslim fondled the blond in the dark and she slapped him”
The pretty young blond thinks ” I bet the Muslim tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him”.
The Muslim thinks “I bet that dirty Jew fondled the blond in the dark, but the blond thought it was me and hit me”
The Jew thinks “I hope there’s another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Muslim moron again.
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Q: How does a Muslim get his wife pregnant?
A: He rapes her.
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Q: How does a Muslim get his wife pregnant?
A: He rapes her.
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Q: What do you do if you see five Muslims up to their waists in concrete?
A: Pour more concrete.
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Q: What did God say after creating Muslims?
A: “I can do better.”
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A popular bar in Bahrain had a new robotic bartender installed, to make serving drinks more efficient.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, “what’s your IQ?” The man replied, “140.” So the robot proceeded to make conversation about string theory and the latest cancer research.

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, “what’s your IQ?” The man responded, “120.” So the robot started talking about the controversies surrounding creationism and the abortion argument.

A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, “what’s your IQ?” The man replied, “65.” The robot then said, “so, how are things in Saudi Arabia these days?”
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all jokes from
http://plancksconstant.org