The Mindset

"There is poison in the fang of the serpent, in the mouth of the fly and in the sting of a scorpion; but the wicked man is saturated with it." – Chanakya

Archive for the ‘Muslim Jokes’ Category

Insulting Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on May 22, 2013

A Muslim woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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Pakistan launches a rocket onto Moon.

News on Pakistani news channel, “Water and fishes found on Moon”.

News on BBC,”Pakistani satellite found in Arabian Sea”.

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Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.

They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

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A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, “hello I’m a reporter for the BBC and we know you’re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.” The man agrees and she asks, “so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?”

The man replies, “I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world.”

The news reporter says, “Wow that’s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 70 years?”

The man replies, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a fucking brick wall.”

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A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”

The customer says, “Female”

The counter guy asks, “Black or white?”

The customer says, “White”

The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”

The customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”

The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”

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Jesus and God are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see’s Allah. Jesus turns to God and asks “Father, did you order a shawarma?”

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Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?

A. Bisexual.

Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?

A. They mark the camels that kick.

Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?

A. Nothing, yet.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

A. A pimp.

Q: What’s the difference between Dar al-islam and Dannon yogurt?

A: The yogurt has a living culture.

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A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a
Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her
direction, requiring her to deflect it.

He finished the box and threw it out the window.

Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing
that, you stupid, Infidel, worthless Catholic bitch.”

She laughed and said, “When I cry out rape and they
smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker !
******************************

 

Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: , , | 8 Comments »

Common Muslim excuses and habits

Posted by The Mindset on October 4, 2012

I am starting this page for compiling all the Muslim excuses  that I routinely come across over the internet. I got the list below from FaithFreedom website.

Muslims freely engage in hate campaign against non-Muslims on their forums. On their blogs however, they use these excuses to portray a peaceful picture of themselves

Here are some of them; I request the readers to contribute if they have come across any:- Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Muslim Jokes | 12 Comments »

Insulting Muslim Arab Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on October 17, 2011



arab jokes

It is time again to offend hundreds of millions of followers of the most barbaric cult in the world. Here for your reading pleasure are 13 jokes sure to offend most Muslim Arabs.

Jokes which reflect real world events are followed by a link to my article on the matter in brackets.

    1. A sex therapist is travelling through the Middle East getting data on goat-sex.First he visits Mahmud, an Iraqi goat herder on the outskirts of Baghdad. “Tell me” he says, “What method do you use for goat sex?” Mahmud replies, “Well I trap her head in a fig bush then attack from behind”.Next, the therapist goes to Egypt and visits Amar who works on the banks of the Nile, and asks him the same question. “Well” says Amar, I push her into the mud and when her back legs are stuck strong I grab her from behind and give it to her real good.”

      Finally he Visits Abdul in the Gaza strip and again asks the same question. Abdul answers, “”I stick her left front leg over my right shoulder and her right front leg over my left shoulder and as she stands on her back legs facing me …”

      “Hold on” interrupts the researcher, “this is unusual”. “Unusual?” asks Abdul, “In what way?”

      “Well,” says the researcher, “all the other Arabs take the goat from behind, none of them face the sheep”

      “What”! exclaims Abdul, “No kissing?”

      [How to get a Muslim`s goat - sex with animals]


  • I had a upsetting phone call in work: my mother phoned me and said there were Muslims in our family tree. I went straight home and I’m glad I did – they looked so good hanging from there.

  • Q: What do you call a Muslim woman on birth-control?A: Making the world safer.

  • Q: An Egyptian, A Syrian, and an Iraqi jump off a bridge, who hits the ground first?A: Who gives a shit?

  • 70% of Palestinian males say they enjoy sex in the shower; the other 30% haven’t been to prison yet.

[Muslims in UK Prisons]


  • Ahmed’s wife, unhappy with his mood swings, bought him one of those mood rings so she could monitor his mood.

She discovered that when Ahmed is in a good mood, it turns green and, when he’s in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark on her forehead.

[Is wife beating really allowed in Islam?]


  • An Arab woman walks into a London shop and buys 1 egg, 1 bottle of milk and 1 sausage, the shopkeeper asks – “You’re single, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she replies, “how could you tell?”

“You’re an ugly c*nt!”


  • I bought a Saudi woman’s diary on e-bay:

Monday – stayed in

Tuesday – stayed in

Wednesday – stayed in

Thursday – stayed in

Friday – stayed in

Saturday – stayed in

Sunday – stayed in


  • Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?A: Ask Helen Thomas’ parents.

[Helen Thomas is an Idiot]


  • I shit myself last night at the airport – a frigging Palestinian rushed in screaming “Allah Allah Allah Allah …. allava coke and a bag of nuts please,” the stuttering bastard.

  • An Englishman, Frenchman, American and a Saudi on a plane going to the U.N. in New York when all of a sudden there’s engine trouble!

The pilot says over the P.A. system that there’s only one parachute onboard.

The Englishman, ever the gentleman steps up, opens the door, shouts “GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!” And jumps.

The Frenchman, always the effin copycat steps up, goes to the door and shouts “VIVE LA FRANCE” and jumps into the abyss.

The yank then steps up, looks out the door at the two bodies gathering speed toward the ground, takes a step back then shouts “REMEMBER 9/11″ and throws the Arab out the door!


  • Q. How long does it take an Arab woman to take out the trash?A. Nine months.

  • A young Arab asks his father “What is this weird hat that we are wearing?”

“Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun,” says the father.
Then asks the son “And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?”
The father is Obliged to reply: “It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!”

The boy gets even more curious: “And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?”

Again the father lovingly explains: “These are ‘babouches,’ which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!”

Finally the son says, “Tell me Abba?”

“Yes my son?”

“Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this shit?”


This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 66] and is updated on some Thursdays.

Click on the Print



Source: http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/2011/10/insulting_muslim_arab_jokes.html

Posted in Muslim Jokes | 2 Comments »

Why Muslims commit suicide attacks?

Posted by The Mindset on October 8, 2011

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let’s see now…

· No music
· No television
· No cheerleaders
· No nude women
· No car races
· No football
· No soccer
· No hot dogs
· No burgers
· No chocolate chip cookies
· No lobsters
· No nachos
· No Beer nuts
· No Beer !!!!!!!!
· Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
· Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no doctors.
· Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
· More than one wife.
· You can’t shave.
· Your wives can’t shave.
· You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
· Your bride is picked by someone else.
· She smells just like your donkey.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

[Source unknown.]

Posted in Islam, Muslim Jokes | 2 Comments »

13 Christmas Gifts for our Muslim Friends

Posted by The Mindset on August 27, 2011



 

Muslim Gifts for Christmas

I‘m Jewish but in my home we decorate the place for Halloween and go out trick-or-treating with our grandchildren because it is an American Holiday and certainly not because we worship witches or hobgoblins; the pagan antecedents for All Hallow’s Eve have long ago lost their significance.

In the same manner in my home we celebrate Christmas because it too has become an American Holiday. Most of the Carols we sing, the stories we tell, the decorations we hang, and the Christmas films we watch are particularly American. My two boys, ages 26 and 31, have been celebrating Christmas their entire lives without once associating the festive holiday with the name Jesus Christ.

Indeed, in my office, where all my partners are Jewish, the walls are decorated every year with Christmas wreaths and wintry ornaments. We also have set aside a day for our employees to give gifts through Secret Santa and so everyone, Jew and Gentile alike give and receive gifts. The beauty of Christianity is that its adherents do not forbid the non-Christian from celebrating its holidays or entering its most sacred of holy places.

The obvious example here is that anyone can go inside Saint Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City, one of the holiest sites and the greatest of all churches in Christendom. You, my dear infidel reader, try to walk around the Kaaba in Mecca just once, see how that goes for you.

So this Christmas, in the spirit of ecumenicalism, I think we should also offer gifts to our Muslim friends, so they don’t feel left out of the American experience.

Here are 13 suggestions of Islamic-compliant presents (Click on any image for larger view):

  • Muslim Gifts for Christmas - lego mohammed
    Mohammed LEGO®
    Photo by: Automotive Acne

    No Muslim child should be without this learning toy from LEGO®. Caution: this toy is Halal only for little boys age 6 and up; little Muslim girls should not learn about wife-rape until after they are married, otherwise this toy may encourage female runaways. Comes with 23 wives and 6 year old Ayisha. LEGO® goats and camels are also available for areas with a shortage of marriage-age women (between 6 and 13 years old) so that little Ahmed doesn’t get disappointed if he can’t do it with a girl.

 


 

  • Muslim Gifts for Christmas - I love Allah cup

    This is a real handy cup for pouring gunpowder into stuffed toys. The faithful Muslim will be happy to learn that the other side says, “I hate Jews”

 

 


 

  • Muslim Gifts for Christmas - handcuffs for wifie
    Handcuffs for Muslim wives
    Photo by: Gizmodo

    A perfect gift for any Muslim man to give to his wife. She can now be monitored with these all-electronic GPS handcuffs which work similar to LoJack as a wife-recovery system. Will not work in the desert. Not legal yet in the United States. Requires 2 batteries.

 

 


 

  • Human rights in Islam - Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Photo by: Islamicity

    This Book title, considered a satire in Islamic countries which inspires laughter and much guffaws, is intended for distribution among liberals, dhimmis and other idiots living in Dar al-Harb, i.e., in non-Muslim countries, who actually believe this crap.

    Incidentally, the title in Arabic translates to “Kill the Infidel, Slap your Wife, Rape your Daughter”.

 

 


 

  • Taliban Barbie Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Taliban Barbie
    Photo Credit: Jules Crittenden

    The American-style Barbie is considered a Jewish emissary of nudity and moral corruption and has been banned in many Islamic rat holes. From the official website of Saudi Arabia:

    Pajamas Media, Muslim World’s Vice Squads Hunt ‘Jewish’ Barbie Dolls

    Jewish Barbie dolls, with their naked clothing, lewd positions, and different samples and accessories, are symbols of decadence of the perverted West. Let us recognize their danger and worry.

    To counter that Zionist threat, Muslim companies have come up with Taliban Barbie. It should be noted that Taliban Barbie is anatomically correct, that is to say, her clitoris and vaginal labia have been removed with broken glass in keeping with current Muslim culture. The doll also has a small string attached to her butt that when pulled says, “I like wearing a hijab” and “I love being married to a Muslim man. Beat me! Whip me! I am unworthy!” and “I will kill myself if I am put in a toy chest with a male toy.”

    Taliban Barbie is approved by UNESCO and cannot be returned if damaged since she is manufactured damaged.

 

 


 

  • Alarm clock - Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Islamic Alarm Clock
    Photo by: kirklees unity

    The perfect gift for that lazy, ignorant, unemployed son of a jackass that most Muslim parents are burdened with.

    Guaranteed to work once. Will also wake up the entire neighborhood.

 

 


 

  • grenade for children - Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Live Grenade for Children
    Photo by: Foreign Policy Association

    This grenade is made especially for Palestinian children that will not accidentally detonate unless there are at least 4 Jews within killing distance. Comes with Mickey Mouse coloring book on how to pull the pin, how to look innocent during checkpoint searches, etc.

 

 


 

  • rifle - Muslim Gifts for Christmas

    Ahmed Get your Gun Toy. No Muslim Child should grow up without his own assault rifle.

 

 


 

  • Mutilation with Mohammed toy- Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Mutilation with Mohammed
    Photo by: The Nose on your Face

    This game, faithfully recreated from an al-Qaeda Handbook on how to torture infidels will teach that impressionable young Muslim child how to “blowtorch to the skin” and the right way to “remove the eye.” Comes with steel mini-meat cleavers, whips, and wire cutters. The “man suspended from the ceiling by a chain” requires adult assembly.

 

 


 

  • grenade lamp Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Grenade Lamp
    Photo by: YabDesign

    Actually this is a gift that Muslims can buy their Jewish friends. Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg will certainly get a bang out of this lamp when they turn it on by pulling the pin. It should be noted that the Goldbergs, lifelong Liberals, have always sided with Muslims against the interests of Israel and America, so in this regard I encourage all of my Muslim readers to buy one for their Liberal Jewish friends and co-workers.

 

 


 

  • Mecca to Medina - Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Mecca to Medina Game
    Photo by: Muslim Games UK

    Similar to Parker Brothers’ Monopoly Game, this fun favorite can be enjoyed by Muslim and non-Muslim alike. In fact, in certain events, Muslim players will draw the buy a slave card and will be allowed to turn any infidels playing into slaves. It should be noted that white infidel slaves bring twice the price of African slaves. But it’s only a game and non-Muslim players can remove the shackles (sold separately) after the game ends.

    Instead of Park Place and Railroads, trade routes and Oases are purchased with Oil Moneys from stupid Americans.

    Mecca to Medina, How to Play

    Along the way, players will find themselves bargaining and negotiating with other players to get rare resources in the game. In addition, they will also have the option of buying specialty cards like camels and caravans while trying to avoid bad events cards, which can easily turn the tide of the game.

 

 


 

  • slingshot - Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Slingshot
    Photo by: al-ghoul.com

    This Middle East toy has been a favorite since King David’s time. Teaches the Muslim youngster the physics of rock hurling and the futility of rocks slung against steel tanks.

 

 


 

  • suicide belt - Muslim Gifts for Christmas
    Explosive Belt
    Photo by: al-ghoul.com

    The perfect and appropriate gift for Muslim families in poverty and unable to feed all their children.

    The manufacturer guarantees that there will be food for one more Muslim child after this toy is purchased. Fits all ages 4 through 19. Does not require that the child actually understand the purpose of wearing it. Can be detonated remotely without the wearer’s knowledge.

 

 


In case you are wondering what’s up with the broken lightbulb at the top of the post, it’s there to illustrate the problem with Muslims today. Instead of simply replacing the bulb, Muslims sit in the darkness cursing Jews and infidels for not turning on the light. The backwardness of Muslims is not because of western-supported dictators that keep them in oppression, or whatever Christians did to them in the Crusades 700 years ago, or what the West did to the Ottoman Empire after WWI. If Muslims would but renounce Islam they could once again regain their former glory. Let me paraphrase a well-known quote: The fault, dear Brutes, lies not in your stars but in yourselves.

 


This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 43] and is updated on certain Thursdays.

 

Click on the Print


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Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: , , , | 11 Comments »

Most offensive Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on July 27, 2011

Here you go:

If a tree falls in a forest, and kills a Muslim, does anyone care?


Q: Why is there so much food at a Muslim wedding?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.


Q: Whats the difference between a pile of dead Muslims and a pile of rocks?

A: You can’t move a pile of rocks with a pitch fork.


Many of my readers may not know, but natural disasters were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Muslims last year. And more importantly, my wife chipped a fingernail this morning.


Q: Wanna hear a joke?

A: Muslim Women’s Rights.


In the recent earthquake in Pakistan rescuers recovered 10,000 bodies and tomorrow they are going into the second house.


Q: In an apartment building in London, Ahmed lives on the first floor, Mustafa on the second floor and Harry on the third floor. The building explodes – who lives?

A: Harry of course – he was at work.


Q: A Pakistani, a Turk, and a Moroccan are riding through Germany – who’s driving?

A: A police officer.


This one is the best

A Muslim Dies And Goes Up To Heaven

A Muslim dies and goes up to heaven. He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who says “Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven!”

“What?” replies the Muslim, “Why not?”

“Well, we just don’t!”

The Muslim complains and carries on until Saint Peter gets fed up, “Well,” says Saint Peter, “have you ever done anything good in you life?”

“Erm …” the Muslim replies, “yeah, just the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for a children’s charity so I gave her ten dollars. Then last week I also donated ten dollars to the American Cancer Society. Plus a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money so I gave him ten dollars too!”

“Alrighty then,” says Saint Peter, “let me go and have a quick word with God.”

Five minutes later Saint Peter returns and says to the Muslim, “Listen, I’ve spoken with God and He agrees with me – here’s your 30 bucks back, now screw off!”

Source:

Can Muslims Enter Heaven

Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

Why are Muslims so stupid ?

Posted by The Mindset on June 28, 2011

It’s not that you can’t find fools in other groups, but this particular group leaves every other group behind. All over the Internet you will find examples of stupidity of this group in the form of comments which they leave on blogs and even more from their acts. Here is a gem :

Do they not look at the birds, held poised in the midst of (the air and) the sky?
Nothing holds them up but (the power of) God.
Verily in this are signs for those who believe. Surah 16:79 Yusuf Ali [Source]

Wow ! and who was holding them before 632 AD.
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Islam, Muslim Jokes | Tagged: | 225 Comments »

Gross Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on June 15, 2011

More Muslim jokes
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

Playing Soccer – Islamic Style

Posted by The Mindset on June 11, 2011

The following is an excerpt of a fatwa issued on “How Muslims should play the game of soccer in the Islamic way”.
So here are the 13 of the silliest portions of the fatwa, translated from the Arabic in an Op-Ed piece from the New York Times, below:
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

A Joke on Osama

Posted by The Mindset on May 7, 2011

This SMS is making rounds in India as a snide over Pakistan and quasi-Pakistani government in India the Congress:

“Nobody is safe in Pakistan – Not even OSAMA
Everybody is safe in India – Even Ajmal Kasab”

For the last 5-6 years Pakistan government was fooling everybody that Osama is not in Pakistan.
Now we have to se what new ‘excuses’ the Pakistan government gives for this ‘disaster’.

Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

 
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