The Mindset

"There is poison in the fang of the serpent, in the mouth of the fly and in the sting of a scorpion; but the wicked man is saturated with it." – Chanakya

Most offensive Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on July 27, 2011

Here you go:

If a tree falls in a forest, and kills a Muslim, does anyone care?

Q: Why is there so much food at a Muslim wedding?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Whats the difference between a pile of dead Muslims and a pile of rocks?

A: You can’t move a pile of rocks with a pitch fork.

Many of my readers may not know, but natural disasters were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Muslims last year. And more importantly, my wife chipped a fingernail this morning.

Q: Wanna hear a joke?

A: Muslim Women’s Rights.

In the recent earthquake in Pakistan rescuers recovered 10,000 bodies and tomorrow they are going into the second house.

Q: In an apartment building in London, Ahmed lives on the first floor, Mustafa on the second floor and Harry on the third floor. The building explodes – who lives?

A: Harry of course – he was at work.

Q: A Pakistani, a Turk, and a Moroccan are riding through Germany – who’s driving?

A: A police officer.

This one is the best

A Muslim Dies And Goes Up To Heaven

A Muslim dies and goes up to heaven. He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who says “Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven!”

“What?” replies the Muslim, “Why not?”

“Well, we just don’t!”

The Muslim complains and carries on until Saint Peter gets fed up, “Well,” says Saint Peter, “have you ever done anything good in you life?”

“Erm …” the Muslim replies, “yeah, just the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for a children’s charity so I gave her ten dollars. Then last week I also donated ten dollars to the American Cancer Society. Plus a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money so I gave him ten dollars too!”

“Alrighty then,” says Saint Peter, “let me go and have a quick word with God.”

Five minutes later Saint Peter returns and says to the Muslim, “Listen, I’ve spoken with God and He agrees with me – here’s your 30 bucks back, now screw off!”


Can Muslims Enter Heaven

14 Responses to “Most offensive Muslim Jokes”

  1. Thanks for linking, it’s appreciated.

  2. Chris said


  3. The one riding through Germany is actually sadly true. Most of the criminals here are Muslims. Their religion is sooo peaceful *sarcasm off*

  4. nuke the middle east said

    are those bed time stories or jokes? i want jokes that offend them and funny

  5. This is extremely offensive and in poor taste

    • Nick said

      Then don’t read it. You are as moronic and hyocritical as a Muslim.

      • Nick said

        Well said.not only are these jokes funny but true for the most part, besides jokes are made about every religion, race, sex, country and so on. If you can’t laugh at yourself or a joke you probably belong on that bus with the 2 Muslims going off a cliff which was unfortunate because there was plenty room for 50 more. Thanks for the laughs

      • Adam Sizemore said

        Ha ha ha ha ha! How does a Muslim man get his wife pregnant? Jacks off on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

  6. Proud Hindu said

    Hate islam, they are just reproducing machines and increase the world’s population. I am planning a small blast on a mosque in madiwala in bangalore, india.

  7. anon said

    What is more offensive than eating pork??
    Smelling like shit and making food at mcdonalds/subway.

    What is worst than pissing 5 times a day in the same direction??
    Having to go to the same spot and pray there five times a day.

    what doesn’t eat pork,gets offended easilt,gets violent
    and has many kids??

    A wild boar.

  8. Marc said

    I’ve got a Muslim joke,

    Islam is a religion of peace


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