The Mindset

"There is poison in the fang of the serpent, in the mouth of the fly and in the sting of a scorpion; but the wicked man is saturated with it." – Chanakya

Insulting Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on May 22, 2013

A Muslim woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

******************************

Pakistan launches a rocket onto Moon.

News on Pakistani news channel, “Water and fishes found on Moon”.

News on BBC,”Pakistani satellite found in Arabian Sea”.

******************************

Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.

They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

******************************

A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, “hello I’m a reporter for the BBC and we know you’re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.” The man agrees and she asks, “so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?”

The man replies, “I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world.”

The news reporter says, “Wow that’s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 70 years?”

The man replies, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a fucking brick wall.”

******************************

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”

The customer says, “Female”

The counter guy asks, “Black or white?”

The customer says, “White”

The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”

The customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”

The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”

******************************

Jesus and God are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see’s Allah. Jesus turns to God and asks “Father, did you order a shawarma?”

******************************

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?

A. Bisexual.

Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?

A. They mark the camels that kick.

Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?

A. Nothing, yet.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

A. A pimp.

Q: What’s the difference between Dar al-islam and Dannon yogurt?

A: The yogurt has a living culture.

******************************
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a
Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her
direction, requiring her to deflect it.

He finished the box and threw it out the window.

Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing
that, you stupid, Infidel, worthless Catholic bitch.”

She laughed and said, “When I cry out rape and they
smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker !
******************************

 

109 Responses to “Insulting Muslim Jokes”

  1. Lorna said

    Beautiful thanx

  2. Kabish said

    thx so much i’m inprisonment here you just made my day

  3. antimahomet said

    Here is an original story or joke:

    The Devil And His Demons

    One day the devil gathered a group of his fellow demons and told them
    that they should take a break from hell and go visit earth to see what the humans are up to.
    They willingly agreed and they left hell to visit earth.
    On earth they visit many of the countries of the world and observe the humans going about their lives.

    One of the demons gets a look of contempt on his face and replies ” I hate these humans. I wish we could send some of us down there to cause them some more suffering and disaster.”

    The devil puts his hand on his shoulder and says ” That won’t be necessary my friend. We already have a group of us down there doing just that for us.”

    The other demon looks at him questioningly and replies ” Oh? I wasn’t aware
    of that. Who could these evil beings be?”

    The devil turns around and smilingly replies ” They are called Muslims”.

  4. Stuart Fox said

    Well yes the jokes are funny though sadly crude and they demean your site to the level of those you ostensibly criticize and the seeming objective – better to delete. Stuart

  5. john snow said

    I’ve never seen such blatant disrespect for a culture – have any of you actually met a muslim? or studied the religion? or are we all just regurgitating the exaggerated and dramatised media stories and opinions that corrupt our world?

  6. Allah lundchoos said

    It means allah dicksucker.

    • Shame on you. Die die die

      • I didn’t want to say die die die to you but I had to

        • Nick said

          In the Quran it states that if your wife which can marry at any age as long as you don’t have sex with her until she is 9 years of age 4:34 disobeys her husband he can beat her until she does and as often as he likes. The Quran and 3 other of there main books say basically that people not Muslim should be killed,how anyone can defend these terrorist,rapist of children woman and animals that also perform genitital mutalation on woman can even defend this I’d beyond me. They are living in the stone ages with weapons and explosives unfortunately. I love how people such as Hollywood stars defend them until they start moving in there neighborhood. Sorry got annoyed by Fatima Syed. You should care for someone who will care for you not beat you.

      • Your Friendly Neighborhood Infidel said

        Terrific f**king way of showing that Muslims are nonviolent.

  7. Jay W said

    Dear John Snow,

    Dramatised? By the media? You’re absolutely right. The media should really learn to play down the incidents where Al-Qaeda (in the name of Islam) flew two planes into the towers, or the 7-7 London bombings where Islamic terrorists (in the name of their religion) detonated a bomb in London, or the countless suicide bombings in Iraq. They should really learn to play down the Shiria law states of Iran and Saudi Arabia, where pictures and videos smuggled out show women buried up to their necks and stoned to death.

    Such a lovely peaceful religion.

    • kylie said

      In the name of Islam but the Islamic community does not recognize them as Muslims. Lying is considered prohibited in Islam. How can murder be accepted?

      • Martin Infidel said

        Now you and me know you are applying the age old Taqiyah ……. for others that do not know ? Taqiyah is the art of lying to none mudslimes !!!
        So Kylie, we don’t believe you🙂

        • AnotherINFP said

          Hi!🙂 Just want to let you know a few things.
          1. Infidel is, in Arabic, kaffir, which means someone feels that Islam is the right thing but refuses to believe out of pride. Therefore, you are not, in fact, an infidel.
          2. Taqiyah is only practiced by some Shiah Muslims, which make up only 10-13% of the Muslim population. Also, 68-80% of the Shia Muslims live in Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, and India, so you’re extremely unlikely to meet them. (I calculated it an there are only about 46,943,000 Shiites living outside of those countries, most of which would be living in other Southeast Asian/Arab countries)
          3. I do consider these jokes to be a display of hatred towards a religion that says that killing one person is a sin as bad as killing all mankind, but I believe in freedom of speech and belief, so you can say whatever you want.🙂
          I hope this will be of some benefit, and I hope you have a great day!

        • disciple of righteousness punishment said

          Kylie, your dead fu**ing dead wrong! Islam DOES permit lying and deception potato head! It’s called taqqya!!!!

  8. boz well said

    does Allah suck dicks i thought that was mohhamed🙂

    • rabi said

      both are same.poor allah is infamouse coz of mohammad.allah was a man who has three daughters. pagan peaple were worshiped him after his death.may be he was good man but mohammad spoil his name.sad

      • jason said

        first off Allah existed long before the Arab pagans, he is the same god the Armenians and Hebrews and Zoroastrians worshiped, his name comes from the word for god in El in the Aramaic language and the Arabic word used to call out to god is Allahumma, or “o, God” which is similar to but not derrived from the Hebrew word Elohim islam has just signified the and has pushed the appexing of this ancient god’s name by worshiping him propperly

      • U r so very wrong:-/

  9. Asmaa said

    Offensive but funny. I guess you could call it crude humour. But still. Not my very favourites jokes to read .

  10. nosaj3bor said

    If your a Muslim at 20 theres something wrong in your heart if your a Muslim at 30 theres something wrong with your head

  11. Confused said

    50 Reasons Muhammad Was Not a Prophet!!! 😮😮
    http://www.answeringmuslims.com/2014/04/50-reasons-muhammad-was-not-prophet.html

  12. PG said

    This is the reality:

    If I a Hindu call my dog Ganesh, Vishnu , Ram etc there is no problem with any of the Hindus. As a matter of fact some Hindus who later became agnostic see no difference at all.

    The same pretty much with Jews and Christians you can name the dog Jesus and nobody would bat an eyelid.

    Come Muslims if a Dog is named Mohammed, the whole Muslim world is deeply offended. As a matter of fact calling a Dog, Mohammed is actually a favour on Mohammed …he gets to have soul and possibly some character….but I fear the dog would become far too rabid if called Mohammed!!!

    These scums have just shot 10 French people dead after proclaiming “Allah hu Akbar” ….you murderous bastards filth be on you.

    May French and German and along with every sensible soul annihilate your murderous cult.

  13. neeskins said

    Have to hear this..;)

  14. neeskins said

    Funny and fun..;)

  15. Kanga said

    Islam is conducting a worldwide jihad on the west. If one compared the ideology of Islam to the Nazi party, there may have been some moderate Nazi’s, but the bad bastards who ran the show were not stopped by the moderates. In fact the moderates never even tried to stop them. Islam is no different in this and is by far much more of a threat to the west, given that the vast majority (70+%)of Muslims in western countries openly support Islamic terrorists. During WW2 in Australia, Germans, Italians, Austrians were placed in internment camps. Maybe we need to give the Muslims the option to leave or go into a camp, because believe it or not, we are at war. And why is the government so stupid to stop people leaving to go fight with ISIS. We should send their whole extended family with them.

  16. Kanga said

    GHOSTS
    A professor at Ohio State University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies . To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
    About 90 students raise their hands.
    “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”
    About 40 students raise their hands.
    “That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
    About 15 students raise their hand.
    “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
    Three students raise their hands.
    “That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
    Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.
    The professor takes off his glasses and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
    The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Hamad , tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”
    Hamad replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you were talking about goats.”

  17. blame the jews said

    this shit had me in stitches, i’ll be using these for ages.

    fuck the terrorist cunts too🙂

  18. jamshed akhtar said

    I say not to make this type of jokes of any religion. I am a muslim and i reapect all the religions in this world. So plese u all also respect islam.

    • How do you respect other religions?
      by beheading their followers?

      • Aditi purohit said

        superb reply (y)

      • respect Muslims said

        Can’t u just be nice to Muslims like what have they done to u BTW ISIS are not Muslims they are a group of Christians trying to make Muslims sound bad and btw Muslims were the people who invented biology physics and everything and also the English numbers were actually stolen from the Arabs and man would it not be hurt ful if some on made a joke about ur religion well check this out

        A Christian asked a muslim woman why do u wear a scarf in ur head she replied : that is because awesome gifts are rapped while cheap gifts aren’t rapped

        😵😵😵 man is it hot on here or is it just the buuuuurn in ur forhead

      • Gundie said

        Excellent 👍👍👍👍

    • CB said

      may the pork be upon you then you smelly musliturd you!

    • Martin Infidel said

      Let me think….. NO ! so f*** off !!!

    • Fatima Syed said

      You are right we should never say these things to any religion

      • web said

        One day your husband will beat you, but it’s right because it’s their in Quran,that day you will realize the reality of this fake religion Islam.

    • Kill all camels said

      F**k you!!! How’s that for respect you son of dog!!!

    • Kaos said

      Islam is shit , if you support it , you are trash… I am currently telling my Muslim neighbors in my apt to guck off and die every day …
      So fuck off and die muslim

  19. Fatima Syed said

    Please don’t say this about Islam😦 . How will you all feel if I say the same thing to your religion?

    • Muslim Goat Fuckers said

      Whats the Muslim name for the useless part around a Vagina ? A Woman

    • david said

      shut up you fu**ing SAND NIGGER

    • Your Friendly Neighborhood Infidel said

      The diff is pretty much all Muslim jokes are true. Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, all those are very obviously not. Muslim ones, however, are constantly proven by Jihadists and many non-jihadists who support them. Learn about your own religion. It advocates killing others. It advocates subjugation of women. I have no clue why you support Islam, it’s like a black man supporting slavery.

    • george said

      U don’t have anything to comment on our religion. Because ours is a peaceful religion.

  20. Fatima Syed said

    Btw what will you all all get by writing these things?

  21. Zehra said

    Don’t say this about Islam.

    • a picture of allah sucking jesus dick said

      All muslims are shit eating narcissistic brainwashed stoneage scumbags. All of islam and its bullshit. Along with the jews and Christians and every other religious piss wank dog shit smelling beliefs are nothing but political regimes designed to control by fear of a nonce god or fear of hell.
      Its complete cat fart.

  22. Assholes said

    Idont give a fuck on these assholes.

  23. True111 said

    British people just stand about shouting and chanting at anti Islam rally’s ! How this is going to stop your country being taken off you ? Fuck sake organise and take the fight to them , grow balls and take your country back !

  24. Takong Mainyu said

    What does it take for a devout Shatshit to hit Paradise?
    Two fuses, the first strapped on his waist to blow up (sorry, take off) in seventy-two pieces and a second dangling between his legs for touchdown on seventy-two virgin runways.

  25. Huzaifa Shakeel said

    Do you call them ‘jokes’? You made a joke out of your own self. Islam and Muslims do not care about what people say.

  26. Nori said

    You guys should not disrespect religions. I am not Muslim, I know about ISIS and Al Qaeda and other groups. Its rude and disrespectful. I personally used to HATE all Muslims and thought they should die because they’re awful. Since then I’ve grown up to realize that every religion has bad people. What about the Nazis? They were all Christians but you don’t hear us say CHRISTIANS. We only say Nazis or Germans. In every religion and race, there are stupid idiots like the jihads who think its right to kill innocent people. They should be the only ones killed. Many new ISIS recruits are from Europe and they’re white and many are females now. Don’t join terrorists and why can’t the world be nice? F religion. Atheists are right. Science created us…I am a believer in god (not Christian or Muslim or Jew or hindhu BTW) but now I second guess it because God would never do this. We would ignore religion. Religions not real…our actions are. Be nice to each other only religion messes us up.

  27. Takong Mainyu said

    What great religion is the stone as symbolic as in our religion of piss? There is the giant stone in the Holy City center onto which naked men ejaculate as they merry masturbate round it. There are the tiny pebbles which these circus players play peekaboo or some sport with the Devil. They naturally reserve the big stones for executing women rape victims.

  28. Takong Mainyu said

    For facing the Holy City of my religion while Islamdunk (sorry, read I slam dung) Shiite into the WC bowl, I’d sure be beheaded for apostasy, blasphemy, sacrilege, slamophobia (I am not sure which sin precisely).
    Strangely same religion is silent if I were backing city, while baring full moon and arse towards it as I have a shit and clean up. Pray, is there a true profit in this religion?

  29. Barbie said

    It’s verybad you should make a joke of Allah Muslims are also human Muslims Christian and Hindus believes in God difference is that we pay and call them with other names it’s very bad I don’t like it. all Muslims are not bad

  30. You are one naive moron,before you make such as asinine comment do some reading on Islam,these infidels live in the 6th century,they contribute nothing of import to the world and are basically,illiterate savages!

  31. Leo said

    War Profiteering Rears Its Ugly Head In Turkey!!!
    http://themillenniumreport.com/2015/12/erdogans-turkey-a-war-profiteer-that-plunders-and-pillages-syria-at-will/

  32. crikey said

    What’s the definition of a moderate muslim? Someone who would have flown only one plane into the Twin Towers instead of two.

  33. A person said

    I know you’re a good person inside, but you know……it’s not right to make jokes with false information that might hurt someone inside. Like I’m a proud Muslim, and I know that no Muslim would actually get offended by these, because they are not one bit true. And it is forbidden to kill, rape, force marry, or do any of these things in Islam. and I think all the religions are peaceful, you know Muslims believe in a lot of things that Christians and Jewish people believe in. I hope I helped open your eyes to see the truth! 😄😄😄

  34. Rob Simons said

    muhammed was a paedo…end of story

  35. Athiests,muslims,others,u Must Repent Before Jesus Comes Back,me Believeing In God Or Jesus Is Not BCuz Z Bible Says But God Himself Showd Me That He Is Real,if U Don’t Believe Me Please Pray This Prayer Humbly” God I Really Want To Know That U R Real Please Show Me A Sign So I Can Fully Understand U N Follow U. Amen

  36. lizacool said

    very very very bad jokes👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎

  37. lizacool said

    very very very…………bad joke
    no one is like muslim

  38. Anindya Basu said

    Hazrat Mohammed was taking a shower with 18 year old Fatima.
    Fatima: Father, why does that thing between your legs have only one eye? Where’s its other eye?
    Hazrat Mohammed: It keeps on looking for its other eye.
    Khadija: And that’s why there are so many Muslims in this world.

  39. Isabel said

    What a cruel site. Ya’ll are monsters.

  40. “Right, no OJ,” grumbled Zoey and closed the fridge. “Mom better go grocery shopping today.”

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