Insulting Muslim Jokes
Posted by The Mindset on May 22, 2013
A Muslim woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
******************************
Pakistan launches a rocket onto Moon.
News on Pakistani news channel, “Water and fishes found on Moon”.
News on BBC,”Pakistani satellite found in Arabian Sea”.
******************************
Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.
They’re calling it ‘Islam’.
******************************
A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, “hello I’m a reporter for the BBC and we know you’re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.” The man agrees and she asks, “so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?”
The man replies, “I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world.”
The news reporter says, “Wow that’s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 70 years?”
The man replies, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a fucking brick wall.”
******************************
A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”
The customer says, “Female”
The counter guy asks, “Black or white?”
The customer says, “White”
The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”
The customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”
The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”
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Jesus and God are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see’s Allah. Jesus turns to God and asks “Father, did you order a shawarma?”
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Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A. They mark the camels that kick.
Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?
A. Nothing, yet.
Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
A. A pimp.
Q: What’s the difference between Dar al-islam and Dannon yogurt?
A: The yogurt has a living culture.
******************************
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a
Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her
direction, requiring her to deflect it.
He finished the box and threw it out the window.
Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing
that, you stupid, Infidel, worthless Catholic bitch.”
She laughed and said, “When I cry out rape and they
smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker !
******************************
The Mindset 
Lorna said
Beautiful thanx
The Mindset said
welcome 🙂
Leo said
Farkhunda and Lahore killings: Acts of violent sexual perversion by “out of control” men 😦
https://activist1.wordpress.com/2015/03/20/farkhunda-and-lahore-killings-acts-of-violent-sexual-perversion-by-out-of-control-men/
Pious Afghan Woman Brutally Murdered After False Accusation, Argument With Local Mullah 😦
http://themillenniumreport.com/2015/03/pious-afghan-woman-brutally-murdered-after-false-accusation-argument-with-local-mullah/
—check these out.
Kabish said
thx so much i’m inprisonment here you just made my day
antimahomet said
Here is an original story or joke:
The Devil And His Demons
One day the devil gathered a group of his fellow demons and told them
that they should take a break from hell and go visit earth to see what the humans are up to.
They willingly agreed and they left hell to visit earth.
On earth they visit many of the countries of the world and observe the humans going about their lives.
One of the demons gets a look of contempt on his face and replies ” I hate these humans. I wish we could send some of us down there to cause them some more suffering and disaster.”
The devil puts his hand on his shoulder and says ” That won’t be necessary my friend. We already have a group of us down there doing just that for us.”
The other demon looks at him questioningly and replies ” Oh? I wasn’t aware
of that. Who could these evil beings be?”
The devil turns around and smilingly replies ” They are called Muslims”.
The Mindset said
Good one.
Fatima Syed said
Muslims are also humans u r saying Muslims like u r talking about an animal
Nolan Henery said
Shut up Fatima there sub-human invaders.
darmok said
did you guy hear about that book called the ISIS Sex manual this is the link to the landing page http://isissexmanual.weebly.com/
pratyush sinha said
@ Fatima syed: I totally agree with you..Let them say..just ignore it. we can’t do anything
Shubham Sharma said
Fatima are u on Facebook
actually I want to write a book called breaking the stereotypes in which I want to discuss that no religion is above another.
could you kind help me research on it.
proton said
Ha Ha good one ……
Kill all camels said
Muslims are dogs, with no respect for anything so stfu you rag wearing cunt
Nick said
I don’t know what to call Muslims but please don’t call them dogs,your insulting my dogs by doing so and I’m sure if you called them roaches there is always the guy out there who has those weird pets so I don’t know how about sub-human pieces of shit.
brad said
good one Nick I tip my icky turban and wave my creepy head scarf at you-
Singaporean said
Its fine to jokes but its pretty sad to play and jokes at others religion, in my country everyone respect each others religion regardless whether your are a hindus ,christian ,muslims, taoism ,buddhas or jewish and whatever races you are. Futhermore all religion teachers us to respect others religion.
Isis is not muslim none of what they are doing related with muslim even the oath.
Stuart Fox said
Well yes the jokes are funny though sadly crude and they demean your site to the level of those you ostensibly criticize and the seeming objective – better to delete. Stuart
Fuck You said
Haha no one gives a fuck about those dirt sand niggers. You clicked on insulting muslim jokes enjoy or get the fuck out.
Muslim Goat Fuckers said
LOVE IT…
Angelia Wilds said
I laughed ans laughed thanks for these made my day!
john snow said
I’ve never seen such blatant disrespect for a culture – have any of you actually met a muslim? or studied the religion? or are we all just regurgitating the exaggerated and dramatised media stories and opinions that corrupt our world?
The Mindset said
1. Yes
2. Yes
3. No
jason said
to me it souds like no, no , and hell yeah
kylie said
Apply cold water to that burn.
Anthony Durkan said
prick
The Mindset said
Is it your father’s name.
Daniel said
he doesn’t know his father’s name. Neither does his mother.
cb said
too many, f em all!
Michael Harris said
To me it’s like making jokes about Nazis…
Chuck Headings said
Phuck all muslims … ,, they are being set up for the world to eradicate there asses …………. AND THANK GOD
Martin Infidel said
You fucking idiots have no idea, “lets all be nice to the poor mudslime” …. you are nothing but a mudslime apologist waiting to have your head removed once they get to 10% !!!
Jose said
I think a dirty Islam terrorist is hiding in my butt – because it sounds like gun-fire every time I fart!
david said
Shut up John Snow you Faggot
Allah lundchoos said
It means allah dicksucker.
Fatima Syed said
Shame on you. Die die die
Fatima Syed said
I didn’t want to say die die die to you but I had to
Nick said
In the Quran it states that if your wife which can marry at any age as long as you don’t have sex with her until she is 9 years of age 4:34 disobeys her husband he can beat her until she does and as often as he likes. The Quran and 3 other of there main books say basically that people not Muslim should be killed,how anyone can defend these terrorist,rapist of children woman and animals that also perform genitital mutalation on woman can even defend this I’d beyond me. They are living in the stone ages with weapons and explosives unfortunately. I love how people such as Hollywood stars defend them until they start moving in there neighborhood. Sorry got annoyed by Fatima Syed. You should care for someone who will care for you not beat you.
Daniel said
Another Muslim joke: Women’s Rights.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Infidel said
Terrific f**king way of showing that Muslims are nonviolent.
Jay W said
Dear John Snow,
Dramatised? By the media? You’re absolutely right. The media should really learn to play down the incidents where Al-Qaeda (in the name of Islam) flew two planes into the towers, or the 7-7 London bombings where Islamic terrorists (in the name of their religion) detonated a bomb in London, or the countless suicide bombings in Iraq. They should really learn to play down the Shiria law states of Iran and Saudi Arabia, where pictures and videos smuggled out show women buried up to their necks and stoned to death.
Such a lovely peaceful religion.
kylie said
In the name of Islam but the Islamic community does not recognize them as Muslims. Lying is considered prohibited in Islam. How can murder be accepted?
Martin Infidel said
Now you and me know you are applying the age old Taqiyah ……. for others that do not know ? Taqiyah is the art of lying to none mudslimes !!!
So Kylie, we don’t believe you 🙂
AnotherINFP said
Hi! 🙂 Just want to let you know a few things.
1. Infidel is, in Arabic, kaffir, which means someone feels that Islam is the right thing but refuses to believe out of pride. Therefore, you are not, in fact, an infidel.
2. Taqiyah is only practiced by some Shiah Muslims, which make up only 10-13% of the Muslim population. Also, 68-80% of the Shia Muslims live in Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, and India, so you’re extremely unlikely to meet them. (I calculated it an there are only about 46,943,000 Shiites living outside of those countries, most of which would be living in other Southeast Asian/Arab countries)
3. I do consider these jokes to be a display of hatred towards a religion that says that killing one person is a sin as bad as killing all mankind, but I believe in freedom of speech and belief, so you can say whatever you want. 🙂
I hope this will be of some benefit, and I hope you have a great day!
The Mindset said
you are a liar and practising taqqiya
disciple of righteousness punishment said
Kylie, your dead fu**ing dead wrong! Islam DOES permit lying and deception potato head! It’s called taqqya!!!!
boz well said
does Allah suck dicks i thought that was mohhamed 🙂
rabi said
both are same.poor allah is infamouse coz of mohammad.allah was a man who has three daughters. pagan peaple were worshiped him after his death.may be he was good man but mohammad spoil his name.sad
jason said
first off Allah existed long before the Arab pagans, he is the same god the Armenians and Hebrews and Zoroastrians worshiped, his name comes from the word for god in El in the Aramaic language and the Arabic word used to call out to god is Allahumma, or “o, God” which is similar to but not derrived from the Hebrew word Elohim islam has just signified the and has pushed the appexing of this ancient god’s name by worshiping him propperly
Fatima Syed said
U r so very wrong
Fatima Syed said
That reply was for rabi
Asmaa said
Offensive but funny. I guess you could call it crude humour. But still. Not my very favourites jokes to read .
nosaj3bor said
If your a Muslim at 20 theres something wrong in your heart if your a Muslim at 30 theres something wrong with your head
Confused said
50 Reasons Muhammad Was Not a Prophet!!! 😮 😮
http://www.answeringmuslims.com/2014/04/50-reasons-muhammad-was-not-prophet.html
PG said
This is the reality:
If I a Hindu call my dog Ganesh, Vishnu , Ram etc there is no problem with any of the Hindus. As a matter of fact some Hindus who later became agnostic see no difference at all.
The same pretty much with Jews and Christians you can name the dog Jesus and nobody would bat an eyelid.
Come Muslims if a Dog is named Mohammed, the whole Muslim world is deeply offended. As a matter of fact calling a Dog, Mohammed is actually a favour on Mohammed …he gets to have soul and possibly some character….but I fear the dog would become far too rabid if called Mohammed!!!
These scums have just shot 10 French people dead after proclaiming “Allah hu Akbar” ….you murderous bastards filth be on you.
May French and German and along with every sensible soul annihilate your murderous cult.
neeskins said
Have to hear this..;)
neeskins said
Funny and fun..;)
Kanga said
Islam is conducting a worldwide jihad on the west. If one compared the ideology of Islam to the Nazi party, there may have been some moderate Nazi’s, but the bad bastards who ran the show were not stopped by the moderates. In fact the moderates never even tried to stop them. Islam is no different in this and is by far much more of a threat to the west, given that the vast majority (70+%)of Muslims in western countries openly support Islamic terrorists. During WW2 in Australia, Germans, Italians, Austrians were placed in internment camps. Maybe we need to give the Muslims the option to leave or go into a camp, because believe it or not, we are at war. And why is the government so stupid to stop people leaving to go fight with ISIS. We should send their whole extended family with them.
Kanga said
GHOSTS
A professor at Ohio State University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies . To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
About 15 students raise their hand.
“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
Three students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Hamad , tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”
Hamad replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you were talking about goats.”
Martin Infidel said
ROFL !!! we all laughed at this one great joke.
blame the jews said
this shit had me in stitches, i’ll be using these for ages.
fuck the terrorist cunts too 🙂
CB said
f**k em all
jamshed akhtar said
I say not to make this type of jokes of any religion. I am a muslim and i reapect all the religions in this world. So plese u all also respect islam.
The Mindset said
How do you respect other religions?
by beheading their followers?
Aditi purohit said
superb reply (y)
respect Muslims said
Can’t u just be nice to Muslims like what have they done to u BTW ISIS are not Muslims they are a group of Christians trying to make Muslims sound bad and btw Muslims were the people who invented biology physics and everything and also the English numbers were actually stolen from the Arabs and man would it not be hurt ful if some on made a joke about ur religion well check this out
A Christian asked a muslim woman why do u wear a scarf in ur head she replied : that is because awesome gifts are rapped while cheap gifts aren’t rapped
😵😵😵 man is it hot on here or is it just the buuuuurn in ur forhead
The Mindset said
hahahahhaaa
here comes another idiot.
yeah ISIS are Christians , so why are they destroying ancient Christian religious sites.
Gundie said
Excellent 👍👍👍👍
CB said
may the pork be upon you then you smelly musliturd you!
Martin Infidel said
Let me think….. NO ! so f*** off !!!
Fatima Syed said
You are right we should never say these things to any religion
web said
One day your husband will beat you, but it’s right because it’s their in Quran,that day you will realize the reality of this fake religion Islam.
Kill all camels said
F**k you!!! How’s that for respect you son of dog!!!
Kaos said
Islam is shit , if you support it , you are trash… I am currently telling my Muslim neighbors in my apt to guck off and die every day …
So fuck off and die muslim
Fatima Syed said
Please don’t say this about Islam 😦 . How will you all feel if I say the same thing to your religion?
Muslim Goat Fuckers said
Whats the Muslim name for the useless part around a Vagina ? A Woman
david said
shut up you fu**ing SAND NIGGER
Dude said
Take your own advice I feel sorry for because your parents couldn’t raise you right
Your Friendly Neighborhood Infidel said
The diff is pretty much all Muslim jokes are true. Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, all those are very obviously not. Muslim ones, however, are constantly proven by Jihadists and many non-jihadists who support them. Learn about your own religion. It advocates killing others. It advocates subjugation of women. I have no clue why you support Islam, it’s like a black man supporting slavery.
george said
U don’t have anything to comment on our religion. Because ours is a peaceful religion.
Greg Scott said
Taqiyya
Fatima Syed said
Btw what will you all all get by writing these things?
The Mindset said
Pleasure.
proton said
that is an epic reply
Zehra said
Don’t say this about Islam.
a picture of allah sucking jesus dick said
All muslims are shit eating narcissistic brainwashed stoneage scumbags. All of islam and its bullshit. Along with the jews and Christians and every other religious piss wank dog shit smelling beliefs are nothing but political regimes designed to control by fear of a nonce god or fear of hell.
Its complete cat fart.
Assholes said
Idont give a fuck on these assholes.
Carl said
Mohammad was nothing but a fu**ing rapist and a child molester by snitching a 7 and 9 year old girls (children)
and fucked them to death and to save his fucking face a married one of them.
danny said
shame on you for saying that.
proton said
well did he not fuck Ayesha at age 9
True111 said
British people just stand about shouting and chanting at anti Islam rally’s ! How this is going to stop your country being taken off you ? Fuck sake organise and take the fight to them , grow balls and take your country back !
Takong Mainyu said
What does it take for a devout Shatshit to hit Paradise?
Two fuses, the first strapped on his waist to blow up (sorry, take off) in seventy-two pieces and a second dangling between his legs for touchdown on seventy-two virgin runways.
Huzaifa Shakeel said
Do you call them ‘jokes’? You made a joke out of your own self. Islam and Muslims do not care about what people say.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Infidel said
Yet you make an angry reply here.
proton said
I think it does make a difference ……. otherwise Y would you reply
Nori said
You guys should not disrespect religions. I am not Muslim, I know about ISIS and Al Qaeda and other groups. Its rude and disrespectful. I personally used to HATE all Muslims and thought they should die because they’re awful. Since then I’ve grown up to realize that every religion has bad people. What about the Nazis? They were all Christians but you don’t hear us say CHRISTIANS. We only say Nazis or Germans. In every religion and race, there are stupid idiots like the jihads who think its right to kill innocent people. They should be the only ones killed. Many new ISIS recruits are from Europe and they’re white and many are females now. Don’t join terrorists and why can’t the world be nice? F religion. Atheists are right. Science created us…I am a believer in god (not Christian or Muslim or Jew or hindhu BTW) but now I second guess it because God would never do this. We would ignore religion. Religions not real…our actions are. Be nice to each other only religion messes us up.
Takong Mainyu said
What great religion is the stone as symbolic as in our religion of piss? There is the giant stone in the Holy City center onto which naked men ejaculate as they merry masturbate round it. There are the tiny pebbles which these circus players play peekaboo or some sport with the Devil. They naturally reserve the big stones for executing women rape victims.
Takong Mainyu said
For facing the Holy City of my religion while Islamdunk (sorry, read I slam dung) Shiite into the WC bowl, I’d sure be beheaded for apostasy, blasphemy, sacrilege, slamophobia (I am not sure which sin precisely).
Strangely same religion is silent if I were backing city, while baring full moon and arse towards it as I have a shit and clean up. Pray, is there a true profit in this religion?
Barbie said
It’s verybad you should make a joke of Allah Muslims are also human Muslims Christian and Hindus believes in God difference is that we pay and call them with other names it’s very bad I don’t like it. all Muslims are not bad
The Mindset said
all Muslims are bad.
Teh Lurd Of Teh Riengs said
nope arab muslims pakistani afgani etc.. are bad
Scott Davidson Law said
You are one naive moron,before you make such as asinine comment do some reading on Islam,these infidels live in the 6th century,they contribute nothing of import to the world and are basically,illiterate savages!
Leo said
War Profiteering Rears Its Ugly Head In Turkey!!!
http://themillenniumreport.com/2015/12/erdogans-turkey-a-war-profiteer-that-plunders-and-pillages-syria-at-will/
crikey said
What’s the definition of a moderate muslim? Someone who would have flown only one plane into the Twin Towers instead of two.
The Mindset said
or may be someone who financed their last journey.
A person said
I know you’re a good person inside, but you know……it’s not right to make jokes with false information that might hurt someone inside. Like I’m a proud Muslim, and I know that no Muslim would actually get offended by these, because they are not one bit true. And it is forbidden to kill, rape, force marry, or do any of these things in Islam. and I think all the religions are peaceful, you know Muslims believe in a lot of things that Christians and Jewish people believe in. I hope I helped open your eyes to see the truth! 😄😄😄
The Mindset said
What are you proud of Muslim …that your kind is involved in murders, rapes and terrorism.
Rob Simons said
muhammed was a paedo…end of story
Gideon Wubneh said
Athiests,muslims,others,u Must Repent Before Jesus Comes Back,me Believeing In God Or Jesus Is Not BCuz Z Bible Says But God Himself Showd Me That He Is Real,if U Don’t Believe Me Please Pray This Prayer Humbly” God I Really Want To Know That U R Real Please Show Me A Sign So I Can Fully Understand U N Follow U. Amen
lizacool said
very very very bad jokes👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎
lizacool said
very very very…………bad joke
no one is like muslim
Anindya Basu said
Hazrat Mohammed was taking a shower with 18 year old Fatima.
Fatima: Father, why does that thing between your legs have only one eye? Where’s its other eye?
Hazrat Mohammed: It keeps on looking for its other eye.
Khadija: And that’s why there are so many Muslims in this world.
Isabel said
What a cruel site. Ya’ll are monsters.
The Mindset said
You are an idiot.
Tomasa Nazzise said
“Right, no OJ,” grumbled Zoey and closed the fridge. “Mom better go grocery shopping today.”
Anindya Basu said
Q: Why can’t pages from the Koran be used as toilet paper?
A: The Koran is already full of shit.
Anindya Basu said
Osama was writing his exam paper for becoming the head of Pakistan’s largest madrasa. He kept aside the last twenty minutes for the essay.
Now, Omar had told him that he was 100 % sure that the essay would be on the pig.
Osama began writing confidently an essay on the pig. Five minutes before the end, he finished the essay and glanced cursorily at the question paper and was shocked to see: Write an essay on Hazrat Muhammad.
Finding that there was no time to begin afresh, he did the next best thing. He crossed out ‘Pig’ and replaced it with ‘Hazrat Muhammad’ throughout the essay.
So, his essay now read like this: Hazrat Muhammad has four feet, a snout like nose and a curly tail. Hazrat Muhammad is a very dirty animal. Hazrat Muhammad’s stomach is full of worms. Hazrat Muhammad oinks and rolls in the mud…
Aliza said
Are these jokes supposed to be funny?
Some people seriously need to get a life.
The Mindset said
and you need to kill yourself.
Anindya Basu said
Q: What do you call a Muslim man having intercourse with a she-donkey from behind?
A: A pain in the ass.
AB said
Q: What do you call a Muslim man having sex with a she donkey from behind?
A: A pain in the ass.
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