The Mindset

"There is poison in the fang of the serpent, in the mouth of the fly and in the sting of a scorpion; but the wicked man is saturated with it." – Chanakya

Posts Tagged ‘muslim jokes’

Insulting Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on May 22, 2013

A Muslim woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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Pakistan launches a rocket onto Moon.

News on Pakistani news channel, “Water and fishes found on Moon”.

News on BBC,”Pakistani satellite found in Arabian Sea”.

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Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.

They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

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A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, “hello I’m a reporter for the BBC and we know you’re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.” The man agrees and she asks, “so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?”

The man replies, “I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world.”

The news reporter says, “Wow that’s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 70 years?”

The man replies, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a fucking brick wall.”

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A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”

The customer says, “Female”

The counter guy asks, “Black or white?”

The customer says, “White”

The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”

The customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”

The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”

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Jesus and God are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see’s Allah. Jesus turns to God and asks “Father, did you order a shawarma?”

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Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?

A. Bisexual.

Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?

A. They mark the camels that kick.

Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?

A. Nothing, yet.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

A. A pimp.

Q: What’s the difference between Dar al-islam and Dannon yogurt?

A: The yogurt has a living culture.

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A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a
Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her
direction, requiring her to deflect it.

He finished the box and threw it out the window.

Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing
that, you stupid, Infidel, worthless Catholic bitch.”

She laughed and said, “When I cry out rape and they
smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker !
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Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: , , | 121 Comments »

Most offensive Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on July 27, 2011

Here you go:

If a tree falls in a forest, and kills a Muslim, does anyone care?


Q: Why is there so much food at a Muslim wedding?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.


Q: Whats the difference between a pile of dead Muslims and a pile of rocks?

A: You can’t move a pile of rocks with a pitch fork.


Many of my readers may not know, but natural disasters were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Muslims last year. And more importantly, my wife chipped a fingernail this morning.


Q: Wanna hear a joke?

A: Muslim Women’s Rights.


In the recent earthquake in Pakistan rescuers recovered 10,000 bodies and tomorrow they are going into the second house.


Q: In an apartment building in London, Ahmed lives on the first floor, Mustafa on the second floor and Harry on the third floor. The building explodes – who lives?

A: Harry of course – he was at work.


Q: A Pakistani, a Turk, and a Moroccan are riding through Germany – who’s driving?

A: A police officer.


This one is the best

A Muslim Dies And Goes Up To Heaven

A Muslim dies and goes up to heaven. He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who says “Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven!”

“What?” replies the Muslim, “Why not?”

“Well, we just don’t!”

The Muslim complains and carries on until Saint Peter gets fed up, “Well,” says Saint Peter, “have you ever done anything good in you life?”

“Erm …” the Muslim replies, “yeah, just the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for a children’s charity so I gave her ten dollars. Then last week I also donated ten dollars to the American Cancer Society. Plus a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money so I gave him ten dollars too!”

“Alrighty then,” says Saint Peter, “let me go and have a quick word with God.”

Five minutes later Saint Peter returns and says to the Muslim, “Listen, I’ve spoken with God and He agrees with me – here’s your 30 bucks back, now screw off!”

Source:

Can Muslims Enter Heaven

Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: | 14 Comments »

Gross Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on June 15, 2011

More Muslim jokes
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Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Playing Soccer – Islamic Style

Posted by The Mindset on June 11, 2011

The following is an excerpt of a fatwa issued on “How Muslims should play the game of soccer in the Islamic way”.
So here are the 13 of the silliest portions of the fatwa, translated from the Arabic in an Op-Ed piece from the New York Times, below:
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Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Muslim Jokes

Posted by The Mindset on April 28, 2011

Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 25.

3 to puzzle over the technology of a light bulb while wiggling their bottoms in the air 5 times a day, 3 to think more about it while wiggling their bottoms in the air 5 times a day, 3 to think really, really hard about how a light bulb works while wiggling their bottoms in the air 5 times a day, then 3 Muslims to decide that light bulbs are an evil infidel technology, four Muslims to destroy the light bulb, 2 to kill the people who sold the light bulb, 3 to kill everyone at the light bulb factory and three Muslims to blow themselves up when the ambulances come to tend the wounded. Finally, the 25th Muslim has to jump up and down screaming about how Islam is a religion of peace and tolerance.
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Posted in Muslim Jokes | Tagged: , | 83 Comments »

Pakistani Math Question Paper

Posted by The Mindset on March 11, 2011

PAKISTANI MATH QUESTION PAPER
General Instructions

i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.

ii) Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will
be forced to join Al Qaeda group .

iii) AK 47 -s and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students
may keep their daggers, Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only
for self defense.
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